I have had the opportunity to be solo for the past week. My husband has taken our two girls to visit his family, while I opted to change my plans because of work deadlines.
I had tried the work remote “on vacation” last year and the fact is, I felt like a killjoy and guilty when I would be at my computer while the family was socializing. So in reflection, I suggested to my husband that I would prefer to stay and take advantage of the the time to enjoy our home alone. Not only because of the work, but also because it was something I felt I needed and the added benefit of my husband getting the chance to spend quality times with our girls. This opportunity to focus on myself 24/7 is a rare occurrence for any parent, and a mother especially.
So I have been making a choices of my own will – less determined by others. The most significant experience out of it all has been the silence.
Silence is something that one cannot really appreciate until they never have it.
I am nearing the end of the full week and I am only just getting to appreciate it. Normally, the odd 2-3 days a week I get about 6 hours in the house alone – the time is packed with work, and any time I do set aside for myself I choose escapism with television. It is like the idea of sitting in the quiet for too long scares me. My creative brain just never seems to turn off – so I choose something to distract me from the insane chatter. What is it about our thoughts that unnerve us? Perhaps it could be the truths that we work so hard to deny.
So in the spirit, I have just gotten home from choosing a “treat” for myself. A movie night out. I opted for the recent flick, “LUCY”. I liked the premise of a woman having maximum potential of her brain, and well I am a scifi lover! I have to admit that after my husband shared with me that it didn’t have great reviews, I was a little sceptical, found the story line and how it ended seemed a little anticlimactic. Though, in my opinion, movies are best perceived as stories that encourage us to think outside of our boxed lives we create for ourselves. So needless to say, the story here has done it for me.
I reflected on the way home how elements of the story about connections and potential related to my life. Here I have been, alone for a whole week (outside of some social get togethers), but I didn’t find it giving me a sense of accomplishment. I can’t imagine if I didn’t have the odd social engagement, how stir crazy and feelings of melancholy would pervade my senses. I really do thrive on connecting and collaborating with people.
In reflection to the movie’s theme – where the use of our brain power is ultimately improved by increasing of billions of connections. The only way the brain thrives is by connecting more with itself. How amazing is that? When I think of our own civilization… the more we connect, the more we evolve. Ultimately where we are and how we have evolved is how we choose to connect with each other – positive or negative, there is always growth and movement.
I think what I am working out in my head and heart in the moment is how to take this insight and see how it can benefit my busy life that arrives home tomorrow. I need to find the ideal mixture of engaging with my family, friends and colleagues to make my life worth it’s living breath and solitude, for focus and introspection.
In appreciating silence in it’s simplicity that with lack of thought, true awareness of our connections to this world is achieved.